This person is "so busy" with his job / life that he is unable to bother thinking about a) who needs to be CC'd on a message, or b) is that person already on the thread by means of an obvious distribution list.  This person is known for sending an email to a group (such as operations) then CCing every member of that group resulting in you getting duplicates of the message, and every reply.  Hey asshole, it's a pretty safe bet that the senior systems administrators are on the operations mailing list.  This person works hand in hand with the Forward Nazi.

Fw: fw: fw: fw: fw: re: re: STFU.  The Forward Nazi is apparently employed by the universe to make sure that everyone gets a copy of those important memos that you already get via the company "everyone" distribution list.  Inside every Forward Nazi is a CC King begging to get out, but has nothing of his own to say, so he just forwards the emails of everyone else out.  You can thank the long chain of Fw: fw: re: subjects to the Reply-All Retard.

The RAR is incapable of distinguishing when to reply to the originator of the email or to everyone in the world who received it.  Extreme RARs believe they are helping when replying to everyone with their idiot questions or "Thanks!", as if they are recognizing the sender's efforts in a public forum.  Thanks, asshole, because nothing shows appreciation more than clicking two buttons and typing eight characters instead of getting off your ass or picking up a phone!

Willie is unable to respond to more than one question at a time.  This may be because he is lazy, or it may be because he wants to ignore the other questions, so he just answers whichever is easiest or leads him to putting off impending work and passes the buck back to you.  Many people have a Willie inside of them, and he often rears his ugly face when you are losing an argument and answering a question will reveal that you have either lost, have no idea what you are talking about, or are just talking out of your ass.

Steve is one of the most annoying douche bags you will ever deal with.  He is incapable of following a conversation that spans multiple mediums.  Quite often, instead of getting an intelligent response to your email, you will get the two word reply "It depends."  Thanks, Steve, because obviously I don't want you to elaborate or take into account the half-a-dozen conversations we've had about this exact topic over the past two weeks.

Celine has a mental defect which causes her to call you immediately after sending an email to discuss the contents.  This mental defect prevents her from just calling you to ask the question which results in her blabbering into your ear while you are attempting to read and decipher her message.  Celine's handicap is perpetuated when she leaves voice mails which results in emails asking if you got said voice mail, and then continuing on with "here's what I was trying to say..."  Celine's closest relative is Didjagettit Doug.

Doug has no concept of space or time.  Any time you see Doug in a hallway, the bathroom, kitchen, water cooler, copier, wherever he will ask you if you got his email.  Doug, W-T-F...?  If I didn't get your email, how would I know I didn't get your email?  And Doug, if you sent me more than one email, how would I know which one you are referring to?  Doug is the type of guy who writes "unauthorized individuals are not allowed to read this document" on all his work.  Nice, Doug.  How was I supposed to know I shouldn't read it without reading it?  Once some fool asked Doug, "which came first, the chicken or the egg?", to which Doug replied "I'm a vegan." and the resulting tear in the fabric of space and time nearly swallowed up the entire earth.

Bob's email signature is huge.  It takes Enzyte.  In fact, Bob's signature is so big, it's almost always bigger than Bob's contribution to any conversation.  You can always tell when Bob is part of any email conversation because you have to scroll through the 43 lines of his signature to get to the actual topic.  You'll find many acronyms in Bob's signature such as "MCSE", "MVP", "CCNE", and "VP".  Bob's signature will always contain his email address just in case hitting "reply" or just clicking on his name in the "From:" line is too difficult a concept.  You will also find a link to the corporate web site, the corporate logo (Bob sends HTML email), the corporate slogan, and some words of wisdom he copied from a self-help book or "motivators" poster.

Sarah is know for replying to her own emails with additional details, or questions asked as if she's a third person.

Sarah said:

> something

Will this cause a problem??!?

Sarah, when you reply to your own email it just goes to show that you didn't bother thinking about it before you fired off some "first post" bullshit questions that do nothing but generally degrade the collective IQ of everyone who received your message.  Next time, try just hanging up a sign that says "I'm a dumb ass who likes to waste everyone else's time."  That gets to the real point much quicker.  Of course, by the time I figured out which of your emails I should actually reply to, I will have stuck a fork in my eye.  God forbid I reply to the wrong one just so you can turn around and say "I just said that!!1!  Didn't you get my reply!??!"

Responses[2]

Posted by Aitrus on July 24, 2007 2:06:00 PM CDT #